Jamaican child's letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
I know u probably wonderin why I writin yuh one day after Christmas but afta openin mi presents dem mi did haffi write yuh. Santa mi was a very good girl, mi listen to mi mada and help har out. Santa mi study real hard inna School,hard till mi all come fuss inna mi class.
Mi mek it mi duty fi be Nice and not Naughty Santa. Santa when mi write mi Christmas list dis year mi ask yuh fi a Barbie princess doll, ah dora di explora tv, an a cabbage patch. So Santa How di BLOODLCOT afta readin di list yuh left mi a fuccin light up yoyo, one plastic tea cup set, and a rass no name dolly wah look like she have Polio an a dead from Marli Gripe.
Iz Edda yuh blind ar yuh cyann BLOODCLOT SEE!.. YUH SEE ALL NEXT YEAR, NUH BADDA TRY SQUEEZE YUH BIG FAT DUTTY RASS TRU MI CHIMNI! I SWEAR AH GUH FUCK U UP..MI AN YUH..U GI DI DUTTY GYALL SALLY DUNG DI STREET EVERYTING SHI WANT! NEXT YEAR MI AGUH WAIT FI YUH PATIENTLY WID ONE BIG ROCK STONE! SANTA MI AGUH DUN YUH BLOOD CLAAT, MEMBA DAT YUH HEAR! TRY MEMBA DAT !!!!!