Lover's Concerto

Hair & make-up perfect, hands manicured, body moisturized and deodorized.


Making sure we are wearing our best undies (well you never know when you might get lucky) and newest clothes.


Perfume sprayed, but not overdone. Don’t want to smell like a tarts boudoir

Teeth cleaned and mouth washed


Preparation for men


A shower, hopefully

Deodorant, if we’re lucky

A shave, possibly

Clean clothes, especially underwear, please God

Maybe some cologne if there’s any left from the gift set Grandma bought him for Christmas.

Teeth cleaned, here’s hoping







All for what?


A fumble in the dark, trying to pretend we’re not holding our stomachs in

Worrying that our carefully applied make-up is getting smudged


Hoping he hasn’t noticed our stretch marks, 

cellulite and operation scars 

Pretending to be satisfied when the foreplay has lasted all of 5 minutes

Equally, pretending to still enjoy it after 45 minutes, hoping he’ll soon just get it over with now, because our favourite programme’s just about to start

Faking an orgasm, just to spare his feelings

Pretending not to mind having to lie on the wet patch, whilst actively trying to avoid it

Telling him he was wonderful, when he was anything but, just to spare his manly ego.




So, why do we do it?

God knows, but life would be so boring without it!


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