As a child I often overheard the conversations of older girls and women while they express their relationship woes. There was some one in the relationship that was always cheating and this was an unacceptable behaviour. I grew up with the belief that only men were guilty of cheating however later in life I realized that both men and women jumped fences (cheated) even though one gender does it more often than the other.
PLEASE DON’T ASK ME WHICH ONE…..:)
Being equipped with this knowledge I was on my guard and took down a list of ways to identify if my partner was cheating.
There was the occasional..okay let me be truthful; there were the CONSTANT checking of the phone while he took a shower. Yes who is he calling and who is texting. Why is the phone vibrating at 11p.m. at night? He says it is work BUT… and there was watching of his attitude when the phone rang. There was also checking to see the hours he would return from work and there were checks on his sex drive. I know, you think i maybe pyranoid but i wouldn't be if he didnt give me reasons to be. Still i didnt nag and pick silly arguments but i was very observant. By the time I began having my kids all that changed. I was busy taking care of my new love and I no longer had the time. Yes it mattered to me, who wouldn’t care to keep an eye out? If you had heard the women talking about their horror stories they lived with cheating husbands you would also be scared. But I grew out of my fear, it no longer mattered. No there were no obvious signs of cheating, well yes there were but nothing too big to draw my attention. Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? I am sure both sides will have their own peronal reason/s they cheat. Either way cheating hurt alot...It damages the relationship sometimes rendering it irrepairable and nothing is the same anymore until both parties decides to throw in the towel. After giving all of this some thought I just made a decision one night that if he cheated I would ensure that it would be his lost. If he lost me due to his inability to keep his shaft limp while he was out it would be his loss. I was very confident that I was a wonderful wife and mother and so I woke up early one morning in the summer of 2008 and began to Jot down my thoughts.
I suddenly realized that I was the cheater..OOPS I DID CHEAT NOW HOLD YOUR BREATH AND WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE.. I was cheating the relationship all this time by not making myself content and enjoy life. I WAS CHEATING MYSELF TAKING AWAY THE PRECIOUS MOMENTS OF LIFE THAT ARE PRECIOUS INSTEAD I SPENT MORE TIME WORRYING ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF AN ADULT GOING OUT TO SHARE HIMSELF WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. I WAS THE CHEATER. I was the one checking phones trying to guess the pin and trying to hurry before he catches me. He was quite okay living so why shouldn't I? HE WASN'T CHECKING UP ON ME SO WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT HIM?
SO HOW TO STOP THE REAL CHEATER? HOW TO STOP YOURSELF FROM CHEATING A POSSIBLY GREAT RELATIONSHIP?
The festive season is here and as we start to make our New Year's Resolutions let us make some well needed adjustments to that list. Let us add the :-
HOW TO ENSURE MY (YOUR) PARTNER DOESN’T CHEAT
*Take care of your responsibilities. Do them to the best of your ability. Women look after your home and children, Men look after the bills (whatever the dynamics of your relationship is get your side done in a timely manner)
- * When in doubt seek clarity. Don’t assume.
- * Don’t nag and make unnecessary quarrels
- * Don’t use sex as a means of reward. Your sex life should be separate and apart from what takes place outside of the bedroom. Make love and put out your best. Don’t ever feel you are doing your partner a faviour
- *Practice good communication.
- *Make yourself pleasant to approach and open to listen at all times
*Take care of your body. Don’t work out or get glamed up for him or her. Take care for you.
- *Be confident in yourself. Lack of confidence can cause you to not do a good job in and out of the bedroom.
- *Know your limits and make them known to your partner. A lot of couples have problems when the other partner was not aware of a limit set by the other party
- * Make sure you are the same person he/she met when you first got together. We are constantly changing but it is lovely when both persons evolve and learn about each other.
*Have good friends in your life. Go out and have fun as a couple and also with your friends.
There is no way to ensure that your partner doesn’t cheat. No way at all to stop a cheating partner or a potential cheater. The only thing you can do is play your equal role in the relationship and hope that the other person will love you enough to do the same and out of respect for you, the committment that you both made he/she would respect that. Too often we waste precious time hurling accusations, investigating due to suspicion and we do not spend time trying to ensure that we are taking care of our side of the relationship.
WE SIMPLY TAKE EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED.
Another common mistake persona make is expecting their partner to make them happy. You are the one responsible for making yourself happy. Some of us have no clue what makes us happy yet we expect our partners to jump in like Santa and figure it out for us.
So enjoy your relationships, play your part. Stop nagging and start silly quarrels. Yes make up sex is great as we burn a lot of calories trying to drive out the anger but after a while it will lose the excitement. Encourage each other to grown daily and create an environment that will make your partner want to hurry home after along day of work. Take care of your body and keep yourself looking nice and groomed and make sure your attitude is one of warmth that is ready to listen and not complain all the time.
I am Lady Dee Hunt